We usually think of relationship as existing only ‘out there’, a fairy-tale ideal of the friend, lover, mother or father who is able to see, attune to and hold every piece of our being. Because this longing to be completed from the outside is ultimately unattainable, it can lead unconsciously to viewing others through a distorted lens of what we want from them. This closes us off from truly seeing the person in front of us. What we normally see instead is the validation that we’re not getting what we need, and the familiar dance of longing and blame that we call ‘relationship’ begins.
These are times when deep wounds are calling out to be healed, yet deeper protective mechanisms are still in place which deny their existence. We are running away from ourselves, holding unspoken expectations that others don’t trigger these wounds as well. We end up blaming them, criticising them, wanting to fix or improve them where they don’t meet our expectations.
I have come to see that no one can hold me the way I long to be held, attune to me the way I long to be attuned to… other than myself. And when I finally stop running from the abandoned parts of myself, I am freed, finally, to see the same wounding in others. I am freed to see others without the lens of what I need or want from them. To see their uniqueness, divinity and brokenness, just like mine. To love without blaming, and to allow myself to be loved, without shame.
So it’s a journey that begins by spiralling inward in order to touch others outwardly. The practice begins with meeting unmet parts of this precious body, heart and mind with tenderness. Providing safe passage for the inner clamour to move through us. It leads us to the discovery that this holding is love itself, and that no-one and nothing is outside of its reach. We begin to land in the extraordinary possibility of all of life being held in love, all of life being love. So that even the human heart’s failure to love unconditionally is welcome here, unconditionally.
Relationship, then, is so much more than the pleasure or strife we find through partner or parent! These are often powerful portals through which we understand love, if we choose to. The liberating insights arise through self reflection, a willingness to feel, and deep somatic integration. The body expresses everything in heart and mind: an inner orientation of closing off from the world and taking from it what we want will be reflected outwardly in our bodies. Which implies that a re-orientating towards opening to the truth of what is here, and wholeheartedly offering ourselves up to this moment, can also be cultivated through our bodies. When we practice yoga with this awareness, we bring together body, mind, heart and intention with a power that can transform. The world needs this transformation.
Join Ayala Gill + Jeffrey Wium at triyoga Camden for their workshop…
self-love + relationship:Â yoga, meditation + inquiry
sunday 22nd october, £75
book now
“Ayala teaches yoga so that the poses become a vehicle to help our bodies feel grounded and stable, while also open-hearted and expansive. In this way, the physical practice is always about deepening the spiritual practice. Ayala has such an in-depth knowledge of spirituality across various traditions, and is herself a deeply spiritual yet grounded being, and so her meditation teaching is very profound. Jeff’s work with energy and guided meditation has helped me come to a deeper understanding of what is happening and my reactions to it. He has helped me to reconnect to my own intuition. I deeply resonate with the way Jeff works and have felt so light and awake since working with him. While Jeff and Ayala teach using seemingly different modalities, they share a core intention of healing through guiding others to connect deeply to the inner self and act from a place of trust.” -Tara Sabi (triyoga teacher trainee)
