It’s been quite the year and soon we will be stepping out of our most recent lockdown. This is the perfect time to take stock. How did you protect your emotional well-being over this last year and what do you want to take forward into this new, changing world?
You can do the following as a journaling exercise, or just use this material as a mental prompt.
Exercise: take a page in your notebook and set up three columns. Head up the first as ‘What was challenging over this last year?’ Give the second column the title ‘what I did’ (which is really how you found gems in the challenge) and the third ‘what I want to take forward’.
After you’ve considered these categories, let’s look at the sorts of things you’ve written in the “what I did” column that you might want to take with you and even build on as we head out of lockdown. We can think of these as experiences to keep as resources.
Learning to negotiate fairly: whether lockdown required you to negotiate with flatmates, a partner, your boss, your children or your parents, this is an important skill for the rest of your life. Notice the last word ‘fairly’: this means that you see the issue as up for negotiation, something co-created by both of you. It also means that you also recognise that you both have different perspectives and past experiences that you bring to it, and that any true solution needs to be acceptable to both parties, and may involve a little give and take.
Antidoting Zoom fatigue: if you looked in the mirror over lockdown after a day of Zoom and saw that your eyes were puckered up like two ripe walnuts, then you know what I am talking about! Staring at a screen all day during meetings, wanting to look alert and attentive, can feel a bit like a coastal gale: it is invisible and yet it packs a real punch. Perhaps you found ways of dealing with this by scheduling and protecting your breaks, doing some yoga or Pilates, or heading out for the nearest bit of light and greenery and keeping your gaze on the horizon to give your eyes a chance to refresh. Whatever worked for you, hold onto it as you will need it going forward.
Saving money: on the one hand there have been no nights out and most of us can’t remember what a holiday is, but on the plus side, if you were lucky enough to have an income, your bank balance may be looking pleasantly healthy. What is that like? What did you stop spending on that you don’t really miss? Do you want to make a commitment to not let your spending creep up again or do you instead want to blow what you have on fun things? Take stock and decide.
Being a good friend: what happened to your friendship group over the last year? Who did you want to stay in contact with and who did you find you didn’t have much in common with once you weren’t going out or doing activities together? Who supported you when you felt low and who called you for the same? Good friends are gold, so how are you going to nourish your friendships as you move into the future?
Lifting your spirits: I imagine there were occasions when you felt a bit low. Ask yourself: what really worked well during those times? Did you move into action to shake off the gloom and get yourself involved in different things, did you reach out to a close friend or professional, or did you instead stay present to the feeling, all the while acknowledging that it was a weighty bit of weather and trusting that eventually it would pass? Many of us did all three, but whatever you did, take stock of what worked. This is an opportunity to get to know and to befriend ourselves.
Not taking things personally: perhaps at times those around you either at home or at work were also suffering and somewhat scratchy. How did you manage your responses? Were you able to be compassionate, set a loving boundary, and yet also not assume that you must have done something wrong? A reminder: you can’t possibly know everything that is going on with other people unless either you ask or they tell you!
Staying flexible and adapting: how can you remain flexible when there is so much that is unknown? This reminds me of the parable where a wo/man, whose family experiences, like all of us, high and lows, listens to those around her shouting ‘this is wonderful!’ or ‘this is terrible’ and just replies with a simple ‘perhaps’. Finding the light and the good in all times but particularly the gritty ones is something many of you may also have learnt.
Being kind: you may have found yourself helping a house-bound person with their shopping, wheeling your neighbour’s bin in, donating to a food bank or just being ever more gracious. It has been said if you want to feel happier, do something for someone else: it’s gratitude in action. Trust me: it does help!
Remembering your ancestors: all the joys and challenges that you have had over the last year may help you to understand what your parents, grandparents and even great-grandparents have gone through during their lifetimes. You come from a lineage that has dealt with significant life events e.g. persecution, migration and world wars. As well as reaching outside and asking for help, sometimes we need to lean inwards and connect in a soulful way with those of our ancestors who really knew how to get through difficult times.
So, after this overview of everything that resourced you, was there anything that was surprising? Where did you find connection: was it through good friendship, nature, simple walks, your yoga or meditation practice, new groups online … or something else? Just remember that as your constriction ends, you are perfectly positioned to create the next stage of your life. Things may happen but how you react to them is up to you. Take a deep breath, acknowledge that you got through lockdown and draw strength from your experiences as you step out into this bright new world.
Nicola Dunn is a solution orientated psychotherapist and family constellator who has worked with clients for over 25 years. She trains and supervises practitioners in psychotherapy, coaching and personal/family constellations. Nicola will be offering solution oriented therapy from 17 May at our Camden studios, with bookings available now.
