One of triyoga’s beloved jivamukti yoga teachers, Durga recently had a hip replacement surgery. Here, she reflects on the journey leading up to it, her return to her life, practice and teaching after the surgery, and the inspiration she found along the way.
Growing up in 70s New York was quite a trip in itself. Life was very different back then – the city was more edgy, dangerous and fast-paced. I believe what kept my head straight for so many years was getting into sports. From the age of nine, I got involved in competitive gymnastics and running, which kept me constantly active. However, as I got older, school had to become more of a priority, and there was no longer time for sports.
One distraction was quite quickly substituted with another. It was then the 80s, and the punk rock music scene was exploding in downtown Manhattan, which inspired me to form a band. Ironically, it was those punk rock musicians who eventually led me to discover yoga. After taking my first jivamukti class in 1996, I was about to embark on a truly unexpected journey. A jivamukti class is physically challenging, which is why I thought it was for me – but what I ended being most drawn to was the spiritual aspect of the practice and the chanting. I feel truly blessed to have received these spiritual teachings, which I have now been practising and teaching for over 20 years.
As I got older, my body began to change, most likely due to years of strenuous activity. I remember still, to this day, within the first year of teaching at the Jivamukti Yoga School on Lafayette Street, New York, I felt a sharp pain in my right hip. I pretty much ignored it and carried on. The pain became so intense, and I started to worry. So, I got an x-ray, and the doctor told me I had hip dysplasia – which is something normally associated with dogs! The doctor recommended that I should not run a marathon, but I carried on practising yoga regardless of the pain in my hip.
I was invited to open up the first Jivamukti Yoga Centre in London in 2004. So, I moved to London, and my new journey began. The teachers and the students appeared to be obsessed with the physical practice and a hardcore workout as opposed to embracing the true essence of yoga. This was frustrating for me, particularly as the pain in my hip was getting worse. Luckily, I was able to focus on my chanting, which many students were drawn to and felt the benefits beyond a physical asana practice.
The pain got worse though, and the only way I could cope was to focus more on the spiritual practice and the ancient teachings. Finally in 2014, I had another x-ray at the Royal Free Hospital… Arthritis! They said that I should think about having a full hip replacement. This was a terrifying thought, particularly at my age, and so I decided against it.
However, the pain became so intense that I could hardly walk some days, let alone do a physical yoga practice. I was still teaching full time, in agony, and had to somehow find a way not let this affect my teaching. I became tired, frustrated and desperate, and the only way I could cope was to dig deeper into my spiritual practice – the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali became my bible and the chanting of sacred mantras, my saviour.
After another two years of intense pain, I knew deep down that I didn’t have an option other than to have a hip replacement. So, I went back to the hospital and was booked in for surgery on 11 November 2016, just after my 50th birthday.
I was relieved, yet absolutely terrified. Thankfully, the surgery was successful, but when the anesthetic wore off, I thought I was going to die. The pain went beyond anything I have ever experienced or imagined – particularly for a “tough” tattooed rock chick like me! Every night in hospital, I was up at 2.00am, then 5.00am, then 7.00am… begging for more painkillers. I cried the whole time. It was all too much for me. The only way I coped was to breathe, recite mantra, reflect and surrender to just be in the moment and know that it would all pass.
Coming home became another challenge – all of the simple things we do on a daily basis became impossible, from going to the toilet to taking a shower. I barely slept for over a month due to the pain and discomfort. I felt a deep sense of empathy for people who are disabled and have had to live in this way their whole lives. I had to work on being extremely patient, living day by day, breathing in to “let go”, breathing out to “let God” and having a lot of faith.
I was off from teaching for over two months and at the end of January, I finally took my first yoga classes at triyoga with Louise Grime and Michael Saunders. I was nervous, shaky and for the first time ever, I was afraid to go upside down. I felt like a beginner! However, as soon as I observed my thoughts, I was able to bring it back to my breath and my mantra – “let go, let God” – which is essentially a meditation practice.
One of my favourite sutras from the yoga sutras of Patanjali says “vitarka-badhane prati-paksa-bhavanam” meaning “when disturbed by disturbing thoughts, think of the opposite”. This has been my mantra for 20 years, and has been very much part of my trip with my hip.
Durga Devi, the name given to Denise by her beloved teachers, Sharon Gannon and David Life, is a former dancer and competitive gymnast who grew up in New York City. She was introduced to yoga in 1994 by close friends. Asana practice felt very natural to her, but it was the chanting, the philosophy and the ancient and holy teachings of yoga that really hit home. Durga is one of the original teachers of the London Jivamukti Yoga Centre. Durga teaches regular jivamukti yoga classes at triyoga Camden and Chelsea. See her schedule here.
